My Sister Died Yesterday

My sister died yesterday. She had been sick, and I knew she didn't have much time left, I just thought she had more than this. My wife and I were going to visit her the first week of August, and I was sure that would be the last time I would see her. This is not my first go around with cancer. Fifteen years ago, almost to the day, it took my mom. And I'm sure before it's all over cancer will claim every fucking one of us. It is an out of control monster that just doesn't kill us, that would be too humane, too merciful. It fills our bodies with pain, unbearable, excruciating pain. It leaves us weak, crippled, unable to breathe, or walk, or piss on our own. It forces us to become these skeletal shadows of what we really are, no matter how hard we fight. It takes away our ability to think, or reason, or tell our grand kids we love them.  Then after taking our dignity, our virility, our health, our very breath, then the fucker kills us and moves on to prey on another mother, or daughter, or sister. The fucker never stops.

I will always remember my sister as a sweet, understanding soul. Over the years I have drifted from my siblings for more reasons than I care to go in to. Jo Ann was always the one that stayed connected. She never let me drift completely away. She was always there. Last winter when I would get up early to go the gym I would quickly see what was happening on facebook. Many times she was there, and would message me, giving me crap about being up so early, about going to the gym, about being just like my niece. I'm sure she was up because she couldn't sleep, or she was puking, or having difficulty breathing. She never once complained to me, never seemed to feel sorry for herself, never even let on that she was as sick as she was. It was nice to stay in touch. I am going to miss that, I am going to miss her.